Birth from a dad’s perspective!

Every father I speak to says that the best day of their life is the birth of their first child. I cannot say the same. The birth of my first child Matilda was terrifying and bewildering, leaving me feeling completely helpless.

I hadn’t expected the birth process to go on for so long. When my wife Claire’s waters broke in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, I thought, that’s it, by the end of the day we’ll have our little one! Thirty hours later we got transferred hospitals and could no longer have our longed-for midwife led natural birth. We were exhausted and deflated, and it felt like there was no end in sight.

Once everything got going again we felt encouraged and motivated and couldn’t wait to meet our baby. However, watching someone you love in so much pain, and being able to do nothing about it, and being discouraged in your efforts to support them by midwives is frustrating and upsetting. Several hours later, and after two hours of pushing, we were told the baby’s heart rate had dropped and they needed to get her our as soon as possible. The room filled with midwives and doctors and I had no choice but to disappear into the background, when all I wanted was to be by my wife’s side and hold her hand.

Matilda eventually made her entry into the world via ventouse, and the next thing I saw was her head elongated and swollen. This scared me as I didn’t know enough about the ventouse process to realise that her head would return to its normal shape soon. Claire held Matilda for a few minutes before being taken to theatre to be stitched up, and I was left holding this tiny new person, solely responsible for her minutes after her birth. I told Claire I loved her, and in my exhausted and emotional state, irrationally worried about when I’d see her again.

Having barely held a newborn baby before, I was then left with Matilda for two hours, trying to absorb the last couple of days. I didn’t yet feel that rush of joy you expect to experience when you become a parent for the first time as I was just too worried. Claire returned to us and I felt so relieved that she was okay, but was then told I had to leave, which was the last thing I wanted to do – it felt so wrong and unnatural when Matilda hadn’t long been with us.

So, that’s the story of Matilda’s entry into the world. She is now 18 months old and full of energy, enthusiasm and mischief.  I realise that my account of her birth is rather negative and glum, but it’s an honest account – that’s how it all felt at the time, made worse I’m sure by sheer exhaustion. Of course it wasn’t long before I saw all the positives of what we went through and feel like it brought us closer together, and I now look back at it with pride and appreciation. That time I had alone with Matilda really helped us bond, I feel, and we have a very close relationship. Witnessing the birth process gave me a new found respect for my wife and all women who give birth, particularly a difficult one. And the best bit of course was our precious new daughter, with whom we were both completely besotted! I hope to share much more about her with you all.

Unschooling

Hello.  My name is Colin, I’m an unschooling dad.

We have 3 children, aged 5, 3 and 1. Our eldest should have begun school last September, but after much deliberation we decided not to put him in. The big question I hear you ask of course is ‘Why?’ And of course this is a great question!

Home education, or unschooling is something Beth and I have thought about for a long time, and thinking back over the last 5 years or so, I guess it is something we always intended to do.

At it’s most basic, to my mind, the idea of a child sitting in a chair in a classroom surrounded by 30+ children of his own age, with 1 or 2 adults in the room, being told what to learn just doesn’t seem quite right. How does a child actually learn from this experience? How does it capture a child’s imagination?

But then I hear you ask, if your child isn’t in school, how do they learn? They learn, because they are children! Children have a vast appetite for knowledge, and they spend their entire days in pursuit of it. They learn through actual experience based on whatever is capturing their imagination right at any particular moment in time and space.  This allows them to develop independent ideas about these actual experiences as opposed to such ideas being determined by systems and methods.

This is a journey, for all of us, and one upon which we are just starting, and this is just an introduction – it is my plan to talk about our journey in more detail as we travel along this road.

There are plenty of unschooling resources out there, a great place to start is the Natural Child Project at www.naturalchild.org